


You and me, promise?

by technicallyimawriter



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But also, Caring Eddie Diaz, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Self-Esteem Issues, oblivious eddie diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicallyimawriter/pseuds/technicallyimawriter
Summary: “You and me, okay?” Eddie stares at him expectantly.And Buck can’t help but to ask, “promise?”“Promise.”
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 179





	You and me, promise?

**Author's Note:**

> because last episode made me sad, here's another fic to make you guys even sadder :)
> 
> not beta read, we die like men

They finally have free time during their shift but there are still 5 more hours to go. It’s quiet in the station, everyone getting that well-deserved rest before the alarm rings again with another catastrophe.

Buck sitting on the couch, not really watching the TV, still adrenaline-high and his mind going in circles.

It’s been a few days since Red died and since then, Buck’s been feeling, well, still alone. He knows that he has Maddie and that won’t change but Maddie will have a family someday and he knows he can’t depend on her to feel like he belongs to something.

He belongs to the 118 but outside of that… He glances at Eddie next to him.

“I should have taken you up on that offer,” Buck says, aiming for a joke, but it comes out as a shaky whisper.

Eddie turns to look at him with confusion in his eyes. “What offer?”

Buck shrugs. “Spending the night with 9-year-old and sleepover. Sounds good to me, now that I think about it.”

He glances back to the TV, believing for a second that it would be the end of the conversation.

“What do mean?” Eddie asks and when Buck doesn’t say anything right away, he pressed on like the stubborn person he is. “Why do you say that?”

“I’m just saying. It sounds good now.”

“You never say things just to say them, Buck. What’s going on?”

Buck swallows thickly but keep his gaze forward, fully intending on not looking at Eddie because he knows he will see pity in those eyes. And he can’t— He _won’t_ accept pity, not from Eddie.

“Is this because of Red, the retired firefighter?” Eddie asks and Buck can feel his eyes on him.

Trust Eddie to know that something _is_ happening.

“Maybe. Something like that,” Buck says at last, forcefully, like saying the words feels like admitting a crime. “It’s like– I’ve been so focused on this job that I never stopped to think that maybe this job won’t last forever, that the people I work with won’t last forever.”

“Buck…”

“No, listen.” This time, Buck locks his gaze with Eddie’s, angling his body until his focus is on his best friend. “I know what you said, that– that it wouldn’t happen to us but how do you know? How do you know you won’t leave me behind?”

“You’re my best friend, Buck,” Eddie says, like it’s the most obvious thing. Confusion is still on his face and he shakes his head. “Chris loves having you around and I like having you around. Why would I leave you behind?”

“You say that now, until you start dating that teacher.” Buck doesn’t mean to sound bitter or even resentful but he is, because a part of him always thought that he would be able to call Eddie and Christopher _his_ , that their bond wouldn’t break because someone new would show up.

Buck doesn’t want to think about that possibility, losing Eddie like that. He knows that falling deeply for his best friend was a bad idea, that Buck would end up losing in the end. There’s no happy ending for him in this situation.

A look of _something_ flashes across Eddie’s face so fast Buck doesn’t have the chance to dwell on it and considering how tired they are getting, he’s probably seeing things.

“I never said I would date her and I even if I do, which is a big if, that doesn’t mean you’re getting rid of me.”

_I don’t want to get rid of you. I want to be with you_.

Here, in the solitude of the station, just the two of them with no interruptions, Buck wants to say those words. End this loneliness and get that happy ending Maddie is surely living.

But he can’t because he knows it will end in heartbreak and rejection. Eddie would never fall for someone like Buck who doesn’t have any goals in life, except for maybe being good at this job. That’s it, nothing else, nothing more.

“Chris asked about you,” Eddie says, bringing Buck back to the conversation.

“He did?”

Eddie nods. “He somehow expected you to arrive at his sleepover and spend the night.” He laughs a little, his eyes going soft and Buck just _can’t_. He can’t so this.

Buck smiles, imagining the joy rolling off of Chris’ body and the big and loud laughs he surely had for having his friends staying over. Every kid deserves that but mostly Chris. In his eyes, Chris deserves everything and more, and Buck can only hope that Eddie will give him the chance to see that before tossing him away.

“I wanted that too,” Eddie says, his voice still a whisper, his eyes searching for Buck and Buck _can’t do this_. He sighs and his eyes cast downwards in the hopes of not having those eyes on him, not now.

He feels a hand on his neck, then a thumb brushing over his cheek softly and he can’t help but to look up. Eddie’s eyes are closer than before.

“Hey,” Eddie says, his eyes still searching until they lock gazes, “I know things have been crazy since the lawsuit and me almost getting buried underground–”

“Don’t say it like it’s not a big thing.”

Eddie smiles. “I’m not. I’m just saying it’s been difficult but after all of that, I know that you’re one the constants in my life and I’m not ready to give you up just yet… Even when I acted like I was.”

Eddie not talking to him because of the lawsuit will forever be one of the most painful moments for Buck. He still feels like he’s going to lose Eddie any minute now and he’s not ready. He’s not prepared for that.

“So, believe me when I say that I won’t leave you behind. Not now. Not until you’re sick of me. When I said it won’t happen to us, I meant it.”

Buck stares at him, not really believing his words, not believing that he’s somehow part of Eddie’s life and that it will continue like that until Buck breaks and admit these feelings he’s been harboring for the past few months.

Looking at those brown eyes, all soft for him, Buck wonders if he will say those words one day, if not being left behind it’s not his future.

If maybe Eddie is his future.

_I love you,_ he thinks but it’s too soon. Way too soon.

Eddie keeps brushing his thumb, caressing his cheek and Buck just wants to melt into the touch, forget that this is only for the moment and not the rest of his life.

Right on cue, the siren blares loudly and the conversation is over. Everyone is in motion and Buck has to stash his feeling until further notice, and put his mind back into his job. He stands up, preparing his body for whatever emergency was coming.

That’s when he feels a hand closing in on his wrist, making him turn.

“You and me, okay?” Eddie stares at him expectantly.

And Buck can’t help but to ask, “promise?”

“Promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> clowning every day for these two fools [here](https://tobeseentobefound.tumblr.com/)


End file.
